Dear All,
So this guy and I have stated that we like each other, We both are interested in each other, and we work together in the same building but at work we rarely see each other. My problem is that in the beginning he was giving me lots of attention and hot vibes....and now...about a month later it is all cold vibes. I mean we are not on the same shift at work, and we have gone out a few times but I have been the one to initiate all the meetings (even though he asked me to dinner, it was originally my idea so it seems like he felt obligated?). On facebook , any messages he sends are all about one word answers and ring nothing of the caring and emotion that is seems he once felt.
I need advice, my friends tell me to ditch him in the hopes that I can save whatever sanity and feelings I have. I have been hurt in a previous relationship and he has stated that he has too (including a broken engagement) and we both agreed that we are not looking for a relationship but it just seems like he is loosing interest and though I am trying my best, I even gave him a sexy surprise which he said he liked very much.....I feel deep down that this will not work....and yet again I am heartbroken.....
what should I do? I have decided a dead line of september 8th that if things do not turn around then I will tell him (most likely on facebook) how i feel and that i am sorry but I tried and though this pains me greatly perhaps its for the best that we take a breather......
what do you think?
love always,
jen
Coming from someone who has many male friends, who grows up surrounded by boys, who have dated a great deal, who USED to be passionate and emotional
, who have been in similar situation more than once and who's now happily married with a son
He's just not that into you.
You say you have different shift, etc, believe me, if he's interested in you romantically, or like you a lot and really want to be with you, he'll be calling you. He'll be arranging for both of you to spend time together outside work, and you'll probably be consistently in contact with him.
Heck, by now, if he's really interested (and you seem to be interested in him too), you guys will be dating steadily.
I'm sorry to sound like a biyatch. I know it probably hurts like hell. Your pride is probably hurt too beside your heart. I've been there. Unfortunately. More than I like because I didn't listen to good advice from everyone I know.
There's this one time, I tried pressing further, telling the guy how I felt, but what ended up happening FOR ME was that I was made a fool of.
We did date
casually in the beginning, though. I felt misled. I ended up having this long drawn-out discussion with him, in which, he totally showed that most things were coming only from my part--he was
never trying to be in a relationship with me. It's a casual fling for him. The humiliating part was he never lied about that, he told me in the beginning! 
My object of affection didn't care much for what I was looking for.
I guess I'm suggesting that you may not want to go into a HUGE details on how you feel especially if he's treating you like that (very casually, politely, but nicely uninterested).
How long ago are you out of your old relationship? It seems that despite what you claim, you ARE looking for a relationship. You may only be rebounding if the wounds are still not completely healed from your past relationship, luv.
He, on the other hand, is telling the truth. He's not looking for a relationship (with you--I don't know how he feels with other women) and he's acting the way he's telling it. And you should consider yourself lucky because he didn't try to get laid with you with the FALSE promise of a relationship. At least he's "nice" that way, at least although he seems cold, he's not rude, and tries to still be friends although he may not romantically attached to you.
Best of all, you can still move on without much embarrassment, and chalk this one up as experience. Your friends are right, move on move one!
The deadline thing? It didn't work for me. It felt like a form of control or bargaining, knowing I've lost the "battle." (So silly because attraction-love was not supposed to be a battle)
I think I did a long letter (a dear abby
) to my crush when I finally "lost" it.
I've done that when I was in high school (it's a deadline I made to myself, I promised myself), and my mood was roller coaster when finally my crush was being nice just a day before...the deadline either was void or moved back
And it turned out my crush was not THAT in to me. I mean, he was interested at one point, then he decided to date another girl whom he was more attracted to. (*Yes, this crush is another boy, then the above mentioned above--I really have made stupid mistakes despite plenty of warnings from my male friends
I should've listened to them in the first place 
)
Um, as for the breather...if you want to call it that, do so. In all honesty, he doesn't know he's in the breather mode and if you told him that, he'd probably be confused because you guys aren't in a relationship...
Moral of the story: Listen to your friends/family who care about you. Move on as well as you can. Let things go. Don't say that you don't want a relationship when you do want one (you sure act like you want one to me reading your post). Take time to heal and eventually date more boys. Good luck, you'll be fine!